A typical scenario in a counseling session : The husband says, "well I see it this way." The wife says, " I see things differently than you do."
What is happening? Often it is a result of a difference in perception.
As a therapist I often point out what seems fairly obvious to the husband and wife regarding how the issues are viewed. But repeatedly it often seems that the other person's point of view is "out of their awareness." I bring the glaring truth to light for each partner to see and reflect upon.
This skill is something which can be learned by the couple. Listening to the content, noticing the tenor, recognizing the person's style of delivery, noticing their partner's body language and interpretation of meaning are crucial for a happy marriage.
Clarifying one's intent and goal of the communication often helps change stagnating styles of communicating with one another. Checking for the others' meaning is important toward healthy communication and understanding.
If perception is dividing intimacy in your marriage try checking and clarifying your partners intent and be patient and understanding while undergoing this communication change.
You will be delighted.