Have you ever complained about your spouse not meeting your needs? Why do you think that is? Why would one think that another could possibly meet all of the other's needs?

In our culture we hear a lot of, "me," "me," "me." There is and never was a guarantee that another person would promise to meet your every desire or need. No person is capable of fulfilling everything for another. That is a pipedream and sets one up for disappointment and resentment.

Having realistic expectations for one another leads to happier and healthier relationships. If your spouse is not your soul mate then perhaps a genuine heart to heart discussion might enlighten both of you about needs, expectations and desires for fulfillment and happiness within a relationship.

Ask yourself, what do I really want? What do I really desire? What do I really need? What is negotiable and what is a deal-breaker? What are you satisfied with minimally speaking and what is the ideal?

Are you providing everything your significant other wants? If not, why not? Sometimes couples get into a punishment scenario which goes like; I am not getting what I need so I refuse to give you what you need. A tit for a tat. That scenario rarely leads to a satisfactory relationship or solution.

Communication is key in meeting each others needs. Are you willing to risk approaching your lover and asking for what you need and providing what he/she needs in return? A counselor can assist with successful communication techniques which may make each of you happier and more fulfilled in your loving caring partnerships.

Being in a relationship with a spouse or lover may take lots of patience as we each have different personalities and temperaments which reflect upon the ways we interact with a trusted other.

What are some ways you use patience and kindness in your relationship?
Some clients have shared these techniques;
1. Breathe deeply before confronting your spouse on an issue.
2. Use the golden or platinum rule with one's lover. Treat them how they desire to be treated.
3. Ask yourself before speaking, "Is this kind, necessary and loving?"
4. How might you wish to be approached by your significant other? Use that same approach with respect.
5. Smile before saying anything.
6. Preface any comment by saying, "Love comes first..."
7. I feel ____when ____because my family of origin issues tend to trigger strong emotions for me.
8. When I look at you, I see a committed partner with similar goals for our relationship so I know we can brainstorm options and opportunities.
9. Walk away before saying a criticism, negative comment, or an angry statement and think before speaking.
10. Love is the most important concept to uphold in our relationship so I will ask myself before speaking, "Is this comment spoken out of love?"

Try some of these techniques and you may see a positive change in your intimate communication.