When a couple is experiencing anger toward one another it is sometimes difficult to resolve immediately. I suggest making a couple of attempts in discussing the issue prior to going to bed so the morning can provide a clean slate anew.

Coming to a resolution or compromise before resigning for the night is a good rule to follow whenever possible.

If no resolution it compromise is possible I suggest you tell one another how you love and care about them and put the conflictual issue on hold until an agreed upon time the next day.

Things won't get blown out of proportion.

Love supersedes anger.

Happy Holidays

      from

Joan Leary Counseling

I attended the John Gottman, level one marriage and family therapy workshop on The Big Island December 2014.

Drs. Julie and John discussed and described these four patterns in relationships.

The 4 Horsemen

1. Criticism

2. Contempt

3. Defensiveness

4. Stonewalling

These four concepts are absolutely debilitating for a healthy, loving, caring partnership.

1. Ask yourself and your partner whether they feel criticized?

2. Do you feel " put down" by your partner? Is your partner sarcastic and verbally abusive?

Does your partner call names?

3. Do you find yourself "yes-butting?" Do you or your partner tend to take the victim role?

4. Do you or your partner pout or give one another the silent treatment?

After you have discussed these four concepts with your partner you may wish to further research the "remedies" for these negative communication styles.

1. Use I statements.

2. Speak honestly and genuinely.

3. Listen fully.

4. Affirm your partner 5 times daily.

5. Challenge your own negative thoughts.

Smile and act graciously toward your partner. It may create a more intimate connection.